Fall in Love again

Ive been going through a number of blogs during the last few days and the one thing Ive noticed is that there are so many people who have broken up with their BFs/GFs. Their blogs express the same feelings of lonliness, sadness and bitterness that I'm going through. Life as a single person is good in the sense that I'm not answerable to anyone and can take my own independent decisions, can travel, study, go for a walk or on a trip without second thought. I mean I'm always free to do whatever I want. When my committed/married friends envy me for this reason, I feel that I'm lucky in a way.

But when I see couples walking hand in hand, cuddling together, giving each other those secret looks and smilies that convey so many things which words can never convey, I miss having that special person around. Miss him when I want to share silly mundane things that happen in daily life like how my boss praised me on my well drafted letters and how I'm considered to be an expert in my office software,how beautiful it feels when I sit on a bench in Aarey milk colony waiting for a bus, how I wish I could just get off the bus and walk to the hamlet in the middle of the jungle, how lovely the lone gulmohur tree looks in full bloom in a small municipality school compound, how they could beautify the Powai lake, how cute children look when they are all dressed up in school uniform and are nervous about the maths paper that they have to write....

How I miss those days when I could pick up the phone and speak to him about these things....seemingly small things but sometimes you cant tell these to your friends however close they are...

I want to fall in love all over again and give everything that I have unconditionally to him again...

Read more...

Jaipur Blasts

So the dimwits are at it again. This time targeted a peaceful city like Jaipur. Which shall be next? Why do people do this? What pleasure do they get in killing innocent people especially children?

I'm not an expert on religion but one thing I know for sure that no religion in the world ever preaches to kill people just because they do not believe in your religion. And if all these killings are just for a piece of some other country's land/state, one question that comes to mind is that how much land does a person require to live? Just so that we can claim that a certain part of the earth belongs to us, we go around killing people?

I was watching an interview on Times Now a couple of days ago. There was this gentleman Mr. Sajjad Lone who said that the killings in Jaipur were related to the Kashmir issue. Does that justify killings? He said that all this was happening because of human rights violation in J&K. What human rights violations? When terrorists kill innocent villagers on the border, is that not human rights violation? when innocent Kashmiri Pandits were driven out of their homes in the middle of the night, was that not human rights violation?

He said that the people of Kashmir want independence. From whom? Te army is there because of the infiltrators. We are not too happy about the fact that our army men are posted there in extreme climates far away from their homes just to protect them. He claims that Kashmiris want independence. But can it survive on its own? Or it wants to be with Pakistan who is ruled by a dictator? Why cant people be practical? This person is living in India and speaking against the country and its constitution. Why are we even tolerating him? Why is he still in the country? Strange....

And does all this justify the killing of people in Jaipur? Get real guys. What with global warming, destroying of forests, melting of glaciers and the general mess that we have done with the planet, people are anyways going to die of earthquakes, tsunamis, floods etc. In addition to this, why go around killing people in the name of religion/country?

How can these people sleep peacefully at night after seeing images of a 4 year old child who is hurt in the blasts and is crying for her mother but dies not know that she shall never see her again because shes dead in the same blasts?

Read more...

Things I want to do Before I Die

I had this pain in my right knee since the last 2 months or so, and as usual I did not go to the doctor thinking that I'm totally fit and it shall subside. The pain aggravated this week and finally yesterday I went for a checkup. The verdict: I may have arthritis. Arthritis? Me? But I'm still very young for it. OK, I do say often that I'm old and I cant do many things which I may have done a few years ago but I'm definitely too young for arthritis. I mean it happens to people in their 50s. Even the doc was a little shocked. He has given me medicines for three days and said that if the pain still dose'nt subside, I shall have to have an X ray done. I just hope that its not arthritis but just some minor problem due to the tennis that Ive been playing for the last 3 months or so. I had forgotten to mention this to him.

But this got me thinking. Ive just been taking life for granted thinking that I've still got a lot of time on my hands to do whatever I wanted to do in life. And in the bargain Ive forgotten that my body is getting older. And there are so many things that I haven't done but want to. It was a moment when I actually thought that even though I say that I dont mind dying now since life has not been that great and not maany will be effected if I die, but there are still many things which I actually have'nt done and wold like to do. So here is the list of things which I want to do before I die.

1. Travel. Travel to Europe especially Ireland, travel to all the states in North East India. Visit Andamans again and again and again.

2. Do bungee jumping,white water rafting and paragliding ( that's the closest you can get to actually flying), snookering in the pristine waters of andaman again.

3. Go for long walks in Rishikesh alone just like I went last year.

4. Visit Panchgani in the rains and go cycling till Pratapgarh. Stay there in a cute Parsi bungalow.

5. Go on a solo trip to Uttaranchal especially the Valley of Flowers.And this time when I go there, try to have a conversation with the sadhus there.

6. Go for a party with friends and dance without any inhibitions on the dance floor. (I'm a terrible dancer and most of the times I'm extremely shy to dance).

7. Buy a fancy car. Not for me but my mom would love it if I take her on long drive in my own car.

8. Send my parents on a trip abroad.

9. Join a salsa class, a photography class, learn swimming

And most important of the lot:

10. Beat the shit out of child abusers and rapists.

11. Join an organisation working for street children and try to bring childhood back to the life of at least one child.

12. Adopt a daughter.

13. Say how much I love my parents even though Ive been a terrible daughter and how much I am indebted to them for tolerating me and standing by me when I needed them.

14. A big thank you to my friends who have stood by me during the most testing period of my life. Thank you is too small a word for whatever they have done for me. But if it was not for them I would have been writing this today. So thank you Vidya and Amita and Sanjay and Jatin. Especially Vidya. You have been a rock.

15. Say sorry to someone for all the nasty things I have ever said to him. Trust me, Im not all that bad.

I hope I can manage to do all these things else when I'm actually old/when my body no longer is capable of doing this, I shall regret not having done it when I could've done it.

But most of this requires lots (quite a bit) of money for which I have to go to office, which leaves me no time to even think of ll this. And it all becomes embroiled in a vicious circle....

I wonder what others want to do before they die....

Read more...

Love and Hate

I don't love you.
No, I don't.
In fact I hate you.
Hate you for everything that you did.
Hate you for those tears, those sleepless nights,
those days spent waiting for your calls which never came,
Those lies, those tears, the anger, the bitterness.
yes I am sure I hate you.
Then why do I still remember you,
Your smile, your laugh, your ability to make me laugh,
Your innocence, your shyness, your calmness,
Your call, your messages,
The feel of your hands when you held them against mine,
The idle chatter through the nights,
The fights, the making up,
your singing, your apprehensions,
Your shaayari especially composed for me,
The phone calls, the missed calls,
The sea, the lakes, the movies,
All those memories,
Why do I see you everywhere?
Yes, I hate you. I hate you.
But do I also love you?

Read more...