What do You Do When

What do you do when you have the urge to scream? Scream your lungs out ?

What do you do when you get up in the mornings everyday and realise what a mess you have made of your life? Life, one third of which is already over.

What do you do when you want to cry, but the tears just wont come?

What do you do when you are left with no emotions?

What do you do when you mind is screaming at the anguish and the hopelessness of the situation even while you are in the middle of an ordinary conversation?

What do you do when you want to quit everything and just take off somewhere where no one knows you?

What do you do when nothing around you effects you anymore? Neither happiness or sadness?

What do you do when you have those fake conversations and the smiles and the laughter when inside you are crying out in pain?

What do you do when you realise that you have made a mess of not just your own life but also of the people who love and care for you?

What do you do when you stop loving and caring for the same people?

What do you do when you realise that you have failed, failed miserably in every aspect of your life?

What do you do when you undo the last decade of you life but know that it is not possible?

What do you do when you know that you are a nice person but no one has ever loved you the way you wanted them to?

What do you do when you know that no matter what do do, the situation does not seem to change?

What do you do when you tel people that you are fine but you know that you are not... because it still hurts. Hurts so much that you know that you shall suffocate because of the pain that you yourself don't realise that exists.

What do you do when you want someone to wave a magic wand to make things better... just a little better?

What do you do when you are hanging by a nail on a cliff to save your life... but at some point you know that you shall not have the strength to fight anymore and give in to the temptation of falling in the deep ravine and ending it for ever?

What do you do when you want to die, but are not quite ready for death as yet?

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People in My Life

Bombay teaches you many lessons in customer service and professionalism that no other city in India can. And this even before the so called over hyped customer service nos. and call centres came into existence. I am speaking about the innumerable 'waals' around us . Our doodhwaals, paperwaala, bhaajiwala, khariwala etc. We take these people for granted. Today I shall try to mention these waals who have brought joy into my life since I was a kid...

1. The Bhaajiwala: There are a couple of these. One is from Kerala and the other from UP. The one from UP. These two have been coming to my society since the time I can remember to deliver vegetables. The one from UP has become slightly old now. But I see him often carrying the vegetable on his head walking from the station in the mornings (probably getting them from dadar market) going for delivery to various homes. I don't know anything else about him. But he is a part of my childhood who used to haggle with my mother (or is it the other way round?) about the price of the vegetables.

2. The paperwalla: The one who used to deliver paper to my doorstep early in the morning between 630-7 am without fail everyday come rain or shine. I think he was my age. He used to deliver the papers in the morning and then rush off to school. During the rains, he used to get wet himself, but covered the papers with a plastic sheet so that they remain intact. He stopped delivering papers a few years ago. He now has his own auto and I hope is is now financially well off.

3. The dhobi: This is a family which used to collect clothes to iron from us and deliver them the next day. The Father passed away a few years ago...He was very old. Now the Son comes to our house for the clothes. The father used to have chats with my mother and tell her the stories about how his son refuses to collect clothes and how he has to go from house to house to do that. This inspite of the fact that he was so old.

4. The sandwichwalla: He sells sandwiches on the road opposite my building and has been there since I was in the 4th standard. He makes the best vegetable sandwiches in the whole of Bombay. He and his 2 sons help him. He stands there from 5 in the evening till 1 in the morning making them. He has become slightly old and the speed with which he cuts the vegetables have slightly reduced. And he still calls me baby. Makes me very happy :)

5. The kahriwalla: He delivers fresh khari, toast and nankhatai to my doorstep every Sunday. Since we have shifted from our earlier house, we had lost touch with him for a year. But one day he met my father and was very pleased to know where we stay. He has again started coming to our house on Sunday. He carries a big aluminium trunk on his head and goes around the locality.

These and many other people have defied the concept of service. They have not done any management courses. Most of them I guess are barely literate. But the customer service and satisfaction that they provide cannot be measured. We don't miss these when they are around. I know them since the past so many years but do I know them?

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And It Starts All Over Again

Spent a sleepless night yesterday tossing and turning for no apparent reason. Nothing is wrong but neither is everything right.

Wished it would rain yesterday night. Wanted to hear the pitter patter of raindrops on my window sill, wanted to hear the thunder, wanted to feel the rain wash away all the dirt and the grim that had gathered around me...

The feeling of despair, emptiness, hopelessness and sadness is overwhelming...Is this the way this supposed to be....

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